i don't like sucking hair
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
