I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
