My liver just broke up with me...
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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