New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
