yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The beer is more important than you right now.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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