Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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