I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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