Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im just a social blackout drinker.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
