what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
