he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
