I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
