the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
