I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
