I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
