I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
