he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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