boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
