btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
