He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
