I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
