Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
