Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
