90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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