I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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