alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
