Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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