she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
