We won't sleep together?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
