were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
