It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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