By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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