I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
