Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
