John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
