I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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