Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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