She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
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Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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