hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
