Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
