broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
