He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
