So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
