Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
