i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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