It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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