Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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