So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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