I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
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According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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