i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
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You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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