Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
