First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
