haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Randomize
