Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Couch. On fire.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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