i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize