They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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