i love accidental penises.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize