yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
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Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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