Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
