I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
