That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
