Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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