Banned from zoo.
Again?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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