my phone needs a breathalizer
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize